I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
