The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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