We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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