i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
