Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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