I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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