oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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