I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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