oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
