I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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