The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
