I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
