The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
