Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad