Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My cat gives me a boner
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?