atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.