What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
