I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
