Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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