Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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