You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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