my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
