tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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