What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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