new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
