too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
