Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
