Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
