Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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