she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
where are you?
Hypothermia
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
