Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
