Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
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