How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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