she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
