last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
