My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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