No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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