Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
this beer tastes like vomit already
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
