i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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