I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
