Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
