My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
