Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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