I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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