upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ATM looks so different sober.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize