I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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