The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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