Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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