They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
