whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
