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Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
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