At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
