is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.