So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
there's paper in my vomit.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
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hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
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She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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