Texts From Last Night

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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.

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  (781): He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie. http://tfl.nu/a1e2
  Replies (12) Good night (3964) Bad night (956)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?

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  (703): My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned? http://tfl.nu/h3av
  Replies (21) Good night (1048) Bad night (5387)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize

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  (937): dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize http://tfl.nu/5hy5
  Replies (17) Good night (3642) Bad night (846)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW

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  (403): OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW http://tfl.nu/587x
  Replies (15) Good night (5137) Bad night (1187)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.

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  (404): Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge. http://tfl.nu/3ppt
  Replies (5) Good night (4704) Bad night (788)
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  (760): View more from California

  I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore

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  (760): I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore http://tfl.nu/3q10
  Replies (7) Good night (693) Bad night (1507)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.

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  (248): I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose. http://tfl.nu/jv76
  Replies (7) Good night (1791) Bad night (789)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.

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  (618): Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually. http://tfl.nu/s8ua
  Replies (4) Good night (1823) Bad night (567)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.

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  (979): I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you. http://tfl.nu/kkcg
  Replies (4) Good night (755) Bad night (1492)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Pants off. Spirits lifted.

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  (253): Pants off. Spirits lifted. http://tfl.nu/wzml
  Replies (2) Good night (982) Bad night (348)
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  (858): View more from California

  Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"

  (1-858): View more from California

  next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.

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  (858): Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him" (1-858): next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective. http://tfl.nu/n75w
  Replies (2) Good night (1057) Bad night (372)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.

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  (972): It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night. http://tfl.nu/xja7
  Replies (0) Good night (400) Bad night (608)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.

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  (+44): It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution. http://tfl.nu/zvzs
  Replies (2) Good night (512) Bad night (267)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?

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  (860): It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now? http://tfl.nu/w7no
  Replies (6) Good night (601) Bad night (380)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.

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  (732): Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world. http://tfl.nu/39cd
  Replies (4) Good night (475) Bad night (250)

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