hotel room ftw
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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