If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
