I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
