Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
