dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
