good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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