Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize