I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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