you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
