Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
