i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
