her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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