FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.