I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?