1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder