Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Randomize
