I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.