with your own penis?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.