Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.

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  (734): I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue. http://tfl.nu/xccr
  Replies (8) Good night (1089) Bad night (3285)
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  (631): View more from New York

  New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.

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  (631): New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled. http://tfl.nu/1807
  Replies (164) Good night (9260) Bad night (1017)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.

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  (248): I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/icyg
  Replies (11) Good night (1388) Bad night (2689)
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  (518): View more from New York

  i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with

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  (518): i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you. (202): and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with http://tfl.nu/tq5v
  Replies (10) Good night (1683) Bad night (3539)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.

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  (412): well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm. http://tfl.nu/hugj
  Replies (10) Good night (5264) Bad night (1036)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.

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  (254): she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared. http://tfl.nu/cseo
  Replies (9) Good night (3217) Bad night (1126)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.

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  (515): You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony. http://tfl.nu/x4rf
  Replies (3) Good night (1106) Bad night (614)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.

  (817): View more from Texas

  I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot

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  (270): The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys. (817): I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot http://tfl.nu/5unc
  Replies (2) Good night (1466) Bad night (756)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point

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  (828): At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point http://tfl.nu/0f47
  Replies (3) Good night (794) Bad night (501)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.

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  (785): There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha. http://tfl.nu/kiqc
  Replies (1) Good night (578) Bad night (351)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming

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  (425): I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming http://tfl.nu/nsf8
  Replies (2) Good night (568) Bad night (298)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...

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  (+44): She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me... http://tfl.nu/3kns
  Replies (8) Good night (524) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.

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  (810): I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face. http://tfl.nu/ll9t
  Replies (2) Good night (425) Bad night (324)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.

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  (813): When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out. http://tfl.nu/gt6a
  Replies (0) Good night (264) Bad night (371)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment

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  (732): After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment http://tfl.nu/eznb
  Replies (2) Good night (806) Bad night (217)

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