It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
