I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
