I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
