My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
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i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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