ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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