Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
