so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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