We're facebook friends in real life
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
