We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
