We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
wow bdsm is so cute
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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