Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
