Can i not drive my cunt home
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
