don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
