If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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