i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
