Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize